brave new weird world
the striations like tattoos- i never got any
’cause events and growth are never captured in those.
i would rather be the blank fleshy slate i’ve always been –
style in neutrality. besides, no one cares.
no one looks at me
more than me,
the world is shouting its differences more and more like pride.
i love it but it makes me feel lonely. i used to be the weirdo
and the world shows me more each year. i was never the weirdo.
and where does my hat hang if not on that? the old sitcoms, the books,
the memories and legends and poetry? i still have pride, but it’s in tatters,
it’s almost more comfortable that way. that’s hard to explain.
the brave new weird world is a highwire act
and i’m not afraid of heights
but i don’t go looking for them, either.
i am slowly etched
more and more
it used to be a theme, a joke,
didn’t know it would become my whole life.
meaning strung to meaning
but not blood,
wrapped too out of my mind / slowly moving away from daring detail / it’s novice / it’s done / i am a clamato in some dive / a digitouch screen played by an old fag, all day /
grabby hands and solo stares, grey and greasy river water smears two hours together / we make tin cans of our hearts or self-deny until we’re quietly insane / one or the other /
and i am now the lost n found box, neither lost nor found / full o’ grubby gloves and scratched glasses / i am shattered axle on side of road / shovelled amongst slowly dying snow piles /
it’s easy to be stuff / :
imaginal mysti-bodies out there running lives we dream / that are somehow as real as our own (if we always come back to them) /
but they slowly smash their mold and maker / fated with disaster / it’s no surprise / stuffing dirt down the mouth of reason for as long as we can /
we’re not individuals / we’re dominos falling exactly as we should; horribly and uniformly / the wall gets closer and closer / a tea kettle lies at its base / cracked in half, steaming /
do you know how messy it would be if we all followed our hearts’ desires every day? / differently, fervently, focusedly, joyously, innocently? /
a mess /
i wonder when we’ll all get there